Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
