Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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