Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
