Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
