Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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