If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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