Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
