I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
