i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
