if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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