I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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