Little spoons don't ask big questions
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
