he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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