Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize