The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
17 year olds will be the death of me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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