I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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