I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
