I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
