I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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