Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
