You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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