Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
