you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
