i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
