That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
