I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
