Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She is in my trunk
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
