i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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