i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
