We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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