Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
