don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
