Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize