do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
