Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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