three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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