Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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