I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
