booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
