worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
