I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
