I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
