He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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