I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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