worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
