he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i think my cat just said my name.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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