i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
