I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
