I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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