I hate all girls vehemently.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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