I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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