I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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