If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize