Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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