You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
