we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
