i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
