If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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