it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
