if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
