i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
