i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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