Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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