Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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