I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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