I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Your cock deserves a montage
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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