Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I am midnight drunk by noon
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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