I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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