Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
ttyl tear gas
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
