at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
