I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
