His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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