New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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