the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
